I’ve been in the uni game for over a year now, and whilst I’ve also actually learnt things, I’ve gradually figured out that there are distinctive groups of people you will encounter in every single lecture…

  • The ‘Note Takers’

Surprisingly more common than you’d expect, these people take part in an absolutely shocking lecture pastime – they take down notes! Scandalous isn’t it. They manage the almost impossible task of resisting a speedy Facebook/Twitter/Instagram check for just about long enough to note down that the lecturer did say that ‘Gregory and Gibson had very different theories about light’. I would probably class myself as a member of this elite group of lecture students, because I am a self-confessed nerd. Being a nerd at university is the new cool.

  • The ‘Ones who have Permanent Freshers’ Flu’

Cough. Cough. Sniffle. Cough. These poor souls, as hard as they try, cannot hold back on coughing for the ENTIRE DURATION OF LECTURES. Relief for them, agony for the rest of us as we strain to hear what the lecturer is saying whilst their voice is drowning in a sea of coughs.

  • The ‘Smart-Thinking Students with Laptops’

Yep, I can clearly see from the back row that you’re blatantly using your laptop to reply to a flurry of Facebook messages, rather than typing up lecture notes. Or you’re catching up on work weeks old from another module. Or you’re playing on Candy Crush if you still live like it’s 2013. Regardless, you are the clever human beings I aspire to be.

  • The ‘Doodlers’

The front page of their lecture note pad is dedicated entirely to beautiful artworks, inspired by lecture time boredom.

  • The ‘Relentless Yappers’

Just when you thought there couldn’t be anything else in the universe they could possibly make conversation about, somehow these people manage it! Sometimes I have half a mind than to just yell at them to ‘shh it’ mid-lecture, but I compose myself and wish karma would hit them in the form of being called out for talking by a terrifying intimidating lecturer.

  • The ‘Ones Who Show Once, Before Never Appearing Again’

Somehow these students still pass the year, whilst others attend every timetabled event under the sun, dedicate their lives to revision and still only manage to scrape a pass. Remarkable!

  • The ‘Mercy-Dashers’

Whether it’s a phone call or a personal crisis, these people have a level of nimbleness gymnasts would be proud of, leaping out of their lecture seat without a sound, before dashing it out the room. Admittedly, I fell into this group during my first year, and I had to make the mercy dash several times otherwise I’d be stranded in Lincoln for the night. Sometimes I hate commuting.

So, do you agree with these groups? Would you add any of your own? Let me know!

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